


Razzle Dazzle

by rosefox



Category: He-Man and the Masters of the Universe, She-Ra: Princess Of Power
Genre: Accidental Marriage, Fade to Black, M/M, Magic Made Them Do It, Same-Sex Marriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-06
Updated: 2017-02-06
Packaged: 2018-09-22 09:54:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9602582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosefox/pseuds/rosefox
Summary: Bow and He-Man embark on a dangerous mission to rescue kidnapped rebels, but the greatest risk may come from Madame Razz's well-meaning spells.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dreamiflame](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamiflame/gifts).



Princess Glimmer pointed to a small spot on the far southern edge of the map, well past the lowest branches of the Singing River. “Thad and Kyle are being held captive here,” she said, “in the heart of the Snowlands, at the Glacial Caverns hidden deep within the Cursed Mountains.”

Cringer shivered. “Sounds cold!” he exclaimed. “M-m-maybe someone with lots of fur should go.” He looked down at himself. “M-more fur than me, I mean!”

Glimmer smiled at him. “Have no fear, friend Cringer,” she said. “I’m afraid your distinctive coloring would be noticed immediately in the Snowlands. This mission requires stealth.”

Queen Angella nodded. “We lack the forces to attack the Caverns,” she said. “Nearly everyone is focused on liberating Green Thatch. We can only spare one or two of our soldiers. But Thad and Kyle must be rescued. They hold vital information and we fear the Horde will subject them to terrible tortures in hopes of learning it.”

Adam frowned. “Sounds like a dangerous but very important mission,” he said. He and Cringer were in Bright Moon for their annual summer vacation, hoping for some fun in the sun and a few good fights against the evil Horde. But now it looked like they would be trading swimsuits for snowsuits.

Bow leaped to his feet. “I will go!” he declared. “I’m swift and silent, my illusion magic will disguise me, and I know the Glacial Caverns well—having escaped from there a time or two.”

“What about your injury?” Angella asked.

“Oh, this?” Bow waved at the bandage wrapped around his right upper arm. “Almost healed! I might not be strong enough to return to the battle in Green Thatch just yet, but sneaking around in the snow will be a piece of cake.”

“And you’ll have good company,” Adam said. “I hear that He-Man is planning a visit to Bright Moon.”

“I’d be glad to have the help of such a mighty warrior,” Bow said, “and my illusion spell can cover both of us.”

“Then it’s decided,” Glimmer said. “We can spare a flier to drop you two days’ walk from the Glacial Caverns. Any closer and the Horde’s sensors will spot it. We have a stolen Horde beacon detector that will point you in the right direction. Madame Razz has been working on long-range magic, and she’ll give you a communications crystal that you can use to contact her with updates on your progress.”

“Oh dearie my, yes indeed,” Madame said happily. “These crystals work like a charm!”

“They are charms, Madame!” Broom said.

“What? Oh yes, so they are. Here you go, dearie.” She handed Bow a long cord from which hung a small sphere of transparent crystal. “Wear it like a necklace. When you need to call me, just tap the crystal three times and say ‘Come in, Madame!’ Adora says that’s what the Hordesmen say when they use their communicators. Or is it how they knock on doors? I forget.”

“I’d better go find He-Man,” Adam said. “It sounds like you’ll be ready to go pretty soon.”

“Please hurry, Adam,” Angella said. “We must be swift, and rescue Kyle and Thad before it’s too late.”

* * * * *

Adora had just returned from Green Thatch to pick up supplies, and naturally she volunteered to be their courier. During her time under the spell of the Horde, she’d learned to be a bold and daring pilot. Glimmer was reluctant to spare her from the fight, but Adora rightly pointed out that no one else could fly to the Snowlands and back as quickly.

He-Man and Bow bid emotional farewells to Battle Cat and Kowl. “Be careful, Bow!” Kowl said nervously. “Take care of your arm!”

“And fight with strength!” Battle Cat growled. “As we will do while you are gone.”

“I hope we won’t need to fight at all,” Bow said. “My invisibility spell will hide us well. We’ll go in, get our friends, and get out.”

“We’ll be back before you know it,” He-Man promised. He gave Battle Cat a last fond pat, waved to Glimmer and Angella, and boarded the flier, taking the seat next to Bow.

“All right, boys,” Adora said, “fasten your safety belts and hold on tight!” Almost before the flier doors had closed, she hurled them into the sky and pointed the flier due south.

Most pilots take six hours to fly from Bright Moon to the Snowlands. Adora claimed she could do it in four and a half, which still gave them plenty of time to talk. Naturally, talk meant gossip, as He-Man had been away for several months (“keeping busy” was all he would say about that) and Adora and Bow insisted on catching him up on everything that had been happening in Etheria. After passing a pleasant hour that way, they turned to reminiscing about the glorious spectacle of Adora and Glimmer’s wedding the previous summer.

“So you’ll be celebrating your first anniversary by kicking the Horde out of Green Thatch,” He-Man said. “That’s not what I’d call traditional.”

“It’s a new era on Etheria,” Bow proclaimed, waving his good arm grandiosely. “We make our own traditions now. I find that fighting the Horde is always appropriate, no matter the occasion.”

“When are you going to get married and settle down, Bow?” Adora asked, raising her voice to be heard over the rush of wind. “I think you’ve turned down every man in Bright Moon.”

Bow blushed. He-Man lifted his hand to cover a smile. “I can’t possibly think of settling down,” Bow said. “We’re at war. Until we defeat the Horde, I’m married to Etheria.”

“That’s quite a commitment,” He-Man said.

“How about you, He-Man?” Bow retorted. “When are you and Adam going to tie the knot?”

There was an awkward silence. Adora began to giggle.

“I, uh,” He-Man said. “We’re just friends.”

“Oh _really_ ,” Bow said. “Because you’re together all the time. If anyone needs to find you, just ask Adam and he always knows where you are. You’re practically joined at the hip!”

Adora laughed harder.

“Just friends,” He-Man repeated. “Almost like brothers. Why, we’re so close I think of Adora as my sister.”

Adora gave him a quick smile over her shoulder. “That’s so sweet of you... brother.”

“So what else have I missed?” He-Man said. “Did Madame manage to turn herself into a frog again?”

* * * * *

The rest of the time passed swiftly, and before they knew it, Adora was setting the flier down. The flat expanse of snow stretched to the horizon, lit only by blue moonlight. “This time of year the sun barely touches the Snowlands,” Bow explained. “It’s only light for a few hours a day. The moons will be up for a while and will help us find our way. We’ll have to be careful where we put our feet, but the darkness will hide us from the Horde.”

Bow and He-Man wrapped themselves in heavy hooded jackets and pulled on matching trousers. They rubbed ointment on their faces to protect their skin from the dry air. Last came heavy boots and gloves. When they were ready, Bow tapped his communicator crystal three times: _tap, tap, tap_. “Come in, Madame,” he said.

The crystal glowed green, then red, and a tiny image of Madame’s eyes peeked out at them. “Hello, hello!” came her cheerful voice. “Are you there already? Oh dearie my, Adora flies even faster than Broom!”

“That’s because I fly in a straight line,” Adora murmured. He-Man muffled a snicker.

“We’re about to leave the flier and begin the walk to the caverns,” Bow said. “We’ll contact you again when we’re getting close.”

“All right,” Madame said, “we’ll be waiting! Now how do I turn this thing off?” After a moment her face faded from the crystal and the glow ceased. Bow tucked it into his jacket. 

Bow did a last check of their packs as He-Man clasped Adora’s hand. “Thanks for the lift,” He-Man said. “We’ll see you in a few days.”

“Stay safe,” Adora said.

“You too,” Bow said, shouldering his pack. “Now let’s get going.”

The flier door opened, letting in a blast of icy air. The men braced themselves and headed out. Adora waved through the window and took off into the dark sky.

Bow pulled the beacon finder from his pocket and pressed the button. A red arrow began to blink. “This way,” he said.

They walked in silence. The wind was fierce and whenever they tried to speak it whipped their words away. Etheria’s two moons shone overhead. Periodically Bow would check the beacon finder to make sure they hadn’t gotten turned around on the flat, featureless plain of snow. The long trail of their footprints stretched away behind them, slowly erased by drifting snow.

After a few hours, as the moons began to sink toward the horizon, Bow signaled for a break. He-Man pulled a folded bundle of cloth out of his pack, placed it on the ground, and pulled the string at one corner. It unfolded into a small black tent emblazoned with the Horde emblem. Inside there was just enough room for them to sit crosslegged on the insulated floor, facing each other. He-Man unsheathed his sword and leaned it against the tent wall; it began to glow gently and emanate warmth that filled the tiny space.

Bow rubbed his hands together. “I’m glad I didn’t bring my combow and arrows,” he said. “They wouldn’t like the cold.” He rummaged in his pack and shared out a simple meal of bread, cheese, and dried meat. They ate with the quick efficiency of longtime soldiers.

“This Horde technology is impressive,” He-Man said, looking around the tent. “Good thing your soldiers were able to loot those supply caravans. I don’t know how you’d manage this long walk without being able to rest and warm up.” He looked at Bow. “How’s your arm?”

“It’s fine.” Bow poked at it and winced a little. “Almost fine.”

“What happened? Were you injured during a battle?”

“Yes.” Bow rolled his eyes. “An enthusiastic villager threw a rock at a Hordesman and hit me instead. Fortunately Angella was nearby and was able to fly me to safety. I couldn’t lift my arm for a week.” He looked hopefully at He-Man. “I don’t suppose you have healing powers like She-Ra does.”

“I don’t know,” He-Man said. “I’ve never tried.” He brushed his fingers lightly across Bow’s upper arm.

“I think I felt a little tingle,” Bow said hesitantly. “It feels... warmer.”

“I’m feeling warmer too,” He-Man said. He shrugged off his jacket. Underneath he wore only his customary baldric. His bare chest gleamed in the glow of his sword.

He looked up at Bow and their eyes met. Bow slowly unzipped his own jacket and let it drop. The two men leaned toward each other, Bow reaching up to caress He-Man’s face. “You and Adam,” he whispered. “Are you sure you’re just friends?”

“Very sure,” He-Man said, and he brushed his lips gently across Bow’s, savoring the tickle of his mustache and the hitch in his breath. The soft kiss quickly deepened. Bow tangled his fingers in He-Man’s hair and pulled him closer. 

As He-Man gripped the back of Bow’s neck, he accidentally tugged on the cord holding the communication crystal. The knot in the cord came loose, and the crystal fell, startling them both. Reluctantly, they pulled apart.

Bow picked the crystal up and sighed. “We’re on a mission,” he said. “We can’t afford to dawdle.”

“I suppose you’re right,” He-Man said. “But when we get back to Bright Moon, I’d like to give that another try. In a proper room, with a proper bed.”

“I’d like nothing better,” Bow said with a smile. “But right now we must save our strength for rescuing Kyle and Thad. I need to save my strength, at least. You have strength to spare.”

He-Man considered. “Perhaps I could share some of my strength and speed with you,” he said, “and gain us a little time. Let’s pack up.”

Bow retied the cord and slipped it back over his head. They bundled up and reluctantly went back out into the cold. The moons were getting lower in the sky, and clouds were beginning to cover them. He-Man stuck his glowing sword in the snow, and collapsed and stowed the tent. Then he hefted the sword and looked over at Bow. “My sword has powers I don’t fully understand,” he said. “Sometimes it can cause transformations. It’s possible that I could make you as strong and fast as I am, at least for a short time. Would you be willing to try?”

“Of course!” Bow declared. “I stand ready.” He winced. “Ah, will it hurt?”

“It shouldn’t,” He-Man said. “But I’ve never tried this on another human before.” He hefted the sword. “Close your eyes,” he said. “Your vision has adjusted to the darkness and the light from the magic could blind you.”

Bow closed his eyes tightly.

He-Man raised his sword. “By the power of Grayskull!” he cried. “I have the power!”

The sword’s magic enveloped him in light and warmth. Even so far from Eternia, he had a moment’s vision of the Sorceress smiling at him from the window of Castle Grayskull, and it filled his heart with joy. He felt rejuvenated, invigorated, invincible.

Boldly, he pointed the sword at Bow as though he were Cringer, and waited for the lightning to leap forth and transform him.

Nothing happened.

He sighed and let the magic ebb until the sword was only glowing gently. “You can open your eyes now,” he said. “It didn’t work.”

Bow opened one eye, then the other. “That’s disappointing,” he said. “But also, to be honest, a bit of a relief.”

“I wish Battle Cat were here,” He-Man said. “He could easily carry us both.” He blinked in surprise. “But I could carry you. Why didn’t I think of that before? If I carry you and run at super-speed, we’ll be at the caverns before you know it.”

“Of course!” Bow exclaimed. “I’ll carry both packs, and climb on your back.” He attempted to heft He-Man’s pack but could barely lift it. “Or... maybe not.”

He-Man laughed and slung his pack over his chest. He crouched and Bow climbed easily onto his back. “Point the way,” He-Man said over his shoulder, “and hang on!”

Bow pulled out the beacon finder and made sure they were facing in the right direction. He-Man raised his sword and began to run.

The sword seemed to slice the air in half; wind rushed past on either side of them, but as long as Bow kept his head low, he felt sufficiently sheltered. He-Man’s legs were a blur of speed and Bow could feel the shifting of his enormous muscles even through the bulky outerwear. Impossibly soon, they reached the icy foothills of the Cursed Mountains and began to climb. Bow shivered, wondering whether He-Man would slip, but his feet were as sure as they were swift.

When they came to a sheer cliff face, He-Man didn’t hesitate but went straight up, punching the rock to make hand- and foot-holds. When he reached the top, Bow tapped his shoulder to signal for a halt and slid off his back. “That was incredible!” he exclaimed. “But I don’t think I can keep holding on to you that way. My arm is throbbing.”

He-Man looked around. They were on a small plateau surrounded by sharp peaks. Snow gusts whipped past them, driven by the howling wind. “This isn’t a safe place to pitch the tent,” he said. “A patrol might come by and see us.”

“Just ahead, there are some old caves we can hide in,” Bow said, rubbing at his arm. “We’re very close. A few hours’ rest and I’ll be ready for the Glacial Caverns.”

Bow led He-Man through a narrow pass and around a pile of fallen rocks. “There,” he said, pointing. 

He-Man lifted his sword and could just make out a small opening, only a few feet high. “How did you know this was here?” he said. “It’s almost invisible.”

“I was captured and held in the Glacial Caverns a few years ago,” Bow said. “I escaped with Hordesmen hot on my heels. I was trying to hide behind that pile of rocks and then almost fell into the cavern. It’s the perfect place to shelter.”

He crawled into the cavern entrance, pushing his pack ahead of him. He-Man followed suit, scraping his broad shoulders against the chilly stone.

The narrow tunnel soon opened into a round cavern perhaps eight feet across. He-Man’s sword began to glow more brightly, revealing gray stone walls and a few stalagmites poking up from the floor. “This is perfect,” he said. “I'm glad you remembered it was here.” He wedged his sword into a crack in the wall. As its light and warmth began to fill the cave, he started searching their packs for food.

“I’ll let Madame know we’re ahead of schedule,” Bow said. He pulled out the crystal. _Tap, tap, tap._ “Come in, Madame!”

The crystal glowed and Madame looked out at him. “You’re early, dearie,” she said. “Is everything all right? You look a fright!”

“I do?” Bow reached up and realized his hair was in total disarray. “Oh, don’t worry about that. We realized we could move much faster if He-Man carried me and ran at top speed. I’m just a little windblown. And we’re already almost at the Caverns.”

Madame clapped her hands. “Oh, wonderful! Where are you now?”

“We’ve found a cave to shelter in. We’re going to rest for a few hours and make sure we’re at top strength before we attempt the rescue.”

“I think I can make your rest a little more comfortable,” Madame said. “I’ve been practicing... let’s see now... Razzle dazzle, razzle red, give Bow and He-Man a cozy bed!”

With a flash, an enormous bed appeared. It was heaped with fluffy pillows and heavy quilts. Velvet curtains surrounded it, drawn back invitingly on one side.

“Oh... well... thank you, Madame!” Bow said, blinking in surprise. “I’m impressed that your magic can reach so far!”

Through the crystal, they heard Broom’s voice. “Did I hear you casting a spell, Madame? I don’t see anything.”

“I gave Bow and He-Man a nice comfy bed,” she said. “Now they can snuggle up and be all warm and cozy instead of shivering in that drafty cave.”

“That’s very thoughtful of you,” Broom said witheringly, “but you know they can’t share a bed.”

“Oh dearie my,” she said. “They can't?”

“Of course not!” Broom said. “They’re humans.”

“Well, what has that got to do with anything, Broom?”

They could almost hear him rolling his eyes. “Humans don’t share beds unless they’re married. Haven’t you learned anything from spending so much time around them? They’re not like Twiggets at all. No marriage—no bed.”

Bow coughed. “That’s not exactly—”

“Oh, is that all!” Madame exclaimed. “Well, I can fix that. Razzle dazzle—”

“Oh no,” Bow said. “Madame, don’t!”

“Kazzle kiss—”

“What’s going on?” He-Man asked, coming over from where he’d been unpacking their gear.

“Run!” Bow cried. “She’s about to—”

“Give Bow and He-Man wedded bliss!”

A glow enveloped them. With two clear chimes, rings appeared on their fingers. They stared at their hands, and then at each other. Slowly, their expressions of shock turned to lust.

“There you go, dearies!” Madame said cheerfully. “Have a nice nap!” The crystal went dark. They barely noticed. They had eyes only for each other.

“I know it’s the spell,” Bow said, “but I can’t look away from you.”

“It’s not... just... the spell.” He-Man was gritting his teeth. “I’m trying to resist... but my willpower... so weak.”

Bow was already taking off his outerwear, fumbling at the fastenings with cold fingers. “Hurry,” he gasped. “Hurry.”

He-Man shook his head, backing away until he was pressed against the wall of the cavern. The cold of the stone helped to clear his mind. “I want you so much that I can’t control my strength. I might hurt you.”

Bow followed him, shedding clothing. “I don’t care,” he said. “I’ll risk it. For you.”

He-Man reached out and took his hand, turning it so their rings were visible. “Is this what you want, Bow?” he asked. “Not just for now, but for good.”

“Wedded bliss with you?” Bow smiled. “I’ve wanted it for ages. But I thought you were taken.”

“I’ve wanted it too,” He-Man confessed. “I've been attracted to you ever since we met in the tavern in Bright Moon. But with my responsibilities back on Eternia, I thought it would never work.”

Bow frowned. “We never met in a tavern in Bright Moon,” he said. “I would have remembered. That’s where I met... Adam?”

“If we’re going to be married,” He-Man said, “there’s something you need to know.”

He placed his hand on the Sword of Power. “Let the power return,” he declared. Light surrounded him. When it faded, Adam stood in his place, draped in oversize outerwear, giving Bow a hopeful smile.

Bow stared, and then he began to laugh. “By the gods!” he cried. “I thought you were dating _yourself_!”

“I told you,” Adam said with a grin. “We’re just friends.”

“You lunk!” Bow shook his head, still chuckling. “How you kept this secret for all this time—I could kick myself for not figuring it out.”

“Instead of kicking yourself,” Adam said, “you could be kissing me. If you still want to be married, that is.”

“I do,” Bow said, grabbing Adam’s hand and drawing him toward the bed. “Oh, I do.”

Adam paused just long enough to grab the jar of ointment from his pack. The last of their clothes fell to the floor as they dove for the shelter of the velvet curtains and the welcoming warmth of their marriage bed.

* * * * *

Luck was with them, and no Horde patrols came near enough to hear the screeching of the bed jolting across the floor with the vigor of their exertions. At last it fetched up against the wall, where its rhythmic movements created a counterpoint to Bow and Adam’s shouts of pleasure.

An observer might have noticed a small crystal fall from the bed, trailing a long cord that until recently had been knotted. The crystal rolled and bounced across the stone floor: _tink, tink, tink_.

Bow gasped. “Oh—oh yes—I’m coming, Adam!”

The crystal glowed green, then red. A faint voice said, “Hello, dearies, what is it now?”

Groans and oaths and the banging of the bed against the cavern wall were the only answer.

“See, Broom,” Madame said, her voice full of smug satisfaction. “I told you my spells always work out just fine.”

**Author's Note:**

> Oh dearie my, this was so much fun to write! Thanks for the wonderful prompts.


End file.
